Scene 1 Customer: I’m trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn’t work. What am I doing wrong? Tech support: OK, you’ve got the CD in the CD drive, right? Customer: Yeah. Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using? Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven’t got a computer. It’s in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen….. Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh! !!
Scene 2 Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one. Scene 3 Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out. Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck. Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note. Customer: No… wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry…
Scene 4 Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left?
Scene 5 Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? Male Customer: Hello… I can’t print. Tech support: Would you click on “start” for me and… Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates, damn it! Scene 6 Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it… Scene 7 Customer: I have problems printing in red… Tech support: Do you have a color printer? Customer: Aaaah……………….. thank you. Scene 8 Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket. Scene 9 Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work Scene 10 Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters? Scene 11 Customer: I can’t get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars. Scene 12 Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry… Internet Explorer. Scene 13 Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. Scene 14 Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it? Scene 15 A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: “No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.” Scene 16 And last but not the least…
Tech support: “Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter “P” to bring up the Program Manager.” Customer: I don’t have a P. Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: “P”…on your keyboard, Bob. Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!
I found another of Jeff Dunham’s shows and how could I not share it with you… It’s hard to laugh all by myself.
Jeff and his funny friend Peanut:
Part 1
